I don’t understand why the announcement of a locum pharmacist appearing on Love Island was met with such surprise and incredulity. It’s almost as if the notion of a pharmacist as the great romantic doesn’t square with our science-based, detailed nature. Well, let me tell you how wrong that is. Just to prove it, here is a special summer quiz:
1. What is a ‘Lothario’?
- The brand name of a recently licensed direct oral anticoagulant
- My ex-boss, who’s now subject to a restraining order
- My Twitter handle
- A bit of a Jack the Lad, who is unfairly vilified if you ask me
2. It’s the pharmacy Christmas party and a co-worker offers you a drink. Do you:
- Calculate the metabolism time of each unit of alcohol
- Check this calculation with a drink-spiking dip test
- Realise your co-worker wants you to work the late shift for them
- Reply: “Make it a double!”
3. Relationships are not permitted within your workplace, so you:
- Report for harassment anyone who signs your communal birthday card with a kiss
- Politely decline a colleague’s invitation for a drink after work
- Get this colleague to sign a consent form in triplicate
- Remember why you change employer every nine months
4. What is the maximum quantity of sildenafil allowable on a monthly NHS prescription?
- The clinical commissioning group guidelines say four tablets
- If it’s up to eight I say 'good luck', and if it’s more I ask for their secret!
- None – they should all buy Viagra Connect from pharmacies
- There’s a maximum? Doesn’t that infringe some sort of human right?
5. What is your best dispensary chat-up line?
- Are you a box of pen needles? ‘Cos you are Ultra-Fine
- Even omeprazole can’t stop my heart burning for you
- Do you have an inhaler? Because you took my breath away
- Is that a BNF in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?
6. Who is your idea of the ideal partner?
- Anyone who’s OK with a partner who has a 60-hour working week and evening training events
- Anyone who’s OK with a partner who cries stress-induced tears at the end of a day
- Anyone who’s OK to do extra duties when a dispenser phones in sick
- Anyone who’s OK to go into the stock room alone with me
7. How do you feel about appearing on Love Island?
- It would be a fascinating opportunity for a study of human interaction and emotional psychology
- I’d rather have my head jammed repeatedly in the dispensing drawers
- Great opportunity for link sales of clotrimazole
- It would be unfair on the other competitors
If you got mostly:
- You’re a dedicated and over-achieving pharmacist who puts work before anything else
- You’re a part-time employee just trying to make the daily grind a bit more bearable
- You’re an independent pharmacy owner with one eye on staff retention and another on your profit margin
- You’re never in the same job for more than nine months and probably the reason that #MeToo exists. A perfect candidate for Love Island!